he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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