I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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