Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
