Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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