I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
