I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
