if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
