he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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