What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
