Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
