Tell her she can't have a vagina
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize