So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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