He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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