Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
why is half of my head shaved?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
