You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
