You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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