He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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