he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
