No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
