The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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