Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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