"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
