You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
