Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
