we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
