i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
