just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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