I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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