im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
