We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
