you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
