Don't you send me to vm
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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