dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
