I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
