you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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