Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize