I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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