I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
