i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
