I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
