I skipped work to stalk him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
