She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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