Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
