DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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