the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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