I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
