He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
