She is in my trunk
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My liver just had a heart attack.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
