i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
