So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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