he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
