Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
