Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
