Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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