I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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