I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
