i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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