I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize