i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
