He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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