I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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