I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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