am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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