yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I touched a dick in church today
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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