sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
