cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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