in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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