She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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