Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
