I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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