mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
