Screwed.edu
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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