jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize