I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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