found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize