this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
