I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
