I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
