At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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