i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
