they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
