We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize