so that wasnt chicken after all
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
