hotel room ftw
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
