you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
