my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
