Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
